Why men have extramarital affairs?
Speak about a loaded issue that no one wants to speak about, this is it. Funny thing, affairs have been going on from millennium. Extramarital affairs can be loaded with evils, cause sadness, and other troubles. Plus you must wrap your brain around all the other issues, there’s that truth and honesty matter, funds, age dissimilarity, faith background, guilt, and on and on. I expect there will be some strong opinions about some of this.
For the purpose of this post I will identify an affair as a long term, maybe years long relationship of a sexual nature between two people of whom one or both are married to other persons, married date.
Why do men have affairs? There are as many answers as there are seeking affairs. I think generally though it is only the human state, the need for care, belonging, to be wanted and cared for, the caring for others and wanting to be loved and cherished. Here are a several reasons I have run across.
In nature we as humans are all sexual beings. Nature has us set up to reproduce, to have sex. Sex is pleasing and fun, and sex makes us get away the real world for a short period of time. This excitement exists for whatever amount of time we are able to keep the adrenalin levels high enough. Some people are able to turn the wish on and off, some are excellent at controlling it and others are so-so at best. But we all have it, young and mature, able bodied and not so able. It is the Human condition. For some of us it is the sex act itself that drives us. For some of us it is the excitement of the hunt. For some of us it is the seduction, for some it is the love for another individual, for some it is the desire to be appreciatedloved, for some it is the total romance thing. These needs and yearnings can be so strong they rise above the taboos the world has erected against affairs. For lots of people the yearnings will beat their doubts and make them risk the rage of not only their family, but society too. So why, what is the catalyst?
Sex Addicts, probably some of us are. Sex is terribly pleasant, better then drugs, a natural high. If you are in this group of physically motivated sex addicts and can find away to have sex and not hurt your spouse or anybody else? You would need to reduce the risk you are taking. If you have the attitude that a good affair is one that is beneficial to everybody, then good luck.
No love at home, or no romance. I think this is the largest cluster, colossal actually. There are many couples whose marriage is over, except they feel happy in the manner they exist, and upsetting the extended families is not on their list of things they wish to do. You love your spouse but there is no romance. Also there are the kids to think about. Your funds are so entwined. You need the medical insurance, and so on. There are a lot of reasons to be as a family besides love and sex.
Physical reasons, there are some people who can not have sex. They have physical circumstances that stop them completing the sex performance, at least not with their spouse. An extra-marital affair sometimes solves the problem while keeping the marriage uharmed.
Ignoring, sorrowfully this is a ordinary reason I fear. One or the other, generally the male is sexually neglecting his spouse for a number of reasons. As a male I actually am grateful to you guys neglecting your wives and making them accessible to us guys of romance, making them “hot wives” But I still think it is despicable that you are neglectful. Then there is the spouse who is neglectful until the wife or husband has an affair, then they condemn them for doing so, when they where the catalyst. Those who neglect, then condemn, are not only neglectful, but malevolent.
Something is just misplaced in the marriage, I can not put my finger on it, but its not there. Perhaps its romance that is missing, maybe it is a shortage of love, maybe compassion is not here, maybe it is the closeness, could be neglect. Could be we have simply developed separately, our relulas interests diverged. Maybe it is that what I want, and what I want to do the rest of my life, is opposite of what you want. Maybe I simply do not know what I want from the marriage anymore. Could be, just maybe I miss that feeling that when I am with you, it just feels right.
The major reason people give is, they look for the passion that is missing and so very much longed for.
There are other reasons, the feeling of power, to escape, for economic gain, for vengeance and so on. I am sure there are more reasons why people have affairs then these. I only stop because if this gets too long no one will read it.